I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
