She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
