If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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