please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
