i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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