marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
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