if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
