She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm