Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
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I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
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I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.