The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
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Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.