Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.