I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?