i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
