Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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