she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
