i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
