found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
