It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
