wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
