Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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