This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
