i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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