If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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