I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
