Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
