the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
