she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
