is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
