no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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