Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
