I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
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I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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