i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
