Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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