shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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