Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize