ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
