Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
did i just pee glitter
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
