Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
