Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
