so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
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No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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