you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Are we still banned from the library?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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