1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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