I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
