I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
