Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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