I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
