So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
