We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
