We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
