Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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