Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Someone came in the potted fern
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
