i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
sex in a hospital.. check
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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