Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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