I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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