You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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