went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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