my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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