As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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