yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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