Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The ass gains better be worth it
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