you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
