you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
