I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
