The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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