He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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