Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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