i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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