You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
