She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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