i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
