Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
