She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
