Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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