Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
