there's paper in my vomit.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
