Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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