My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
