Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
there is glitter all over my balls
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