Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
