do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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