She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
