I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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