I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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