Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
