His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
